somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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