and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
