does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize