Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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