I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
