Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
