FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
