Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the day after is always just damage control
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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