If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
