I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
