I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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