Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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