ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
