I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
did i walk over a car last night?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
