i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
