things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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