He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
