You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
