Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
