the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
