Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We were destined to go to rehab together
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
