If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The beer is more important than you right now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
