my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
