Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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