your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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