He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
