I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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