Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize