fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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