I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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