I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Found your dick twin last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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