Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The air was thick with penises
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
