and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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