so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
