the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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