if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
