You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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