You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
