The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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