you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we're so committed to being not committed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
