dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
