i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
