Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize