ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
