dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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