Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
