The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
