you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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