Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
