there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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