Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
