They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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