is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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