i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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