happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
