All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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