Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
