last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
