Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
