I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
