watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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