distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I touched a dick in church today
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