Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's official drugs can't kill me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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