Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
