tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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