He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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