I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
