I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
50% drunk capacity currently
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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