Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
