I want to walk on stilts...naked
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This house was built for laser tag.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
