apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
