i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I believe in your delicious
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
