my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
