I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
