Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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