Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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