Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
