I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
