Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
