i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All the doctor said was why
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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