She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
