my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
