Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
