he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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