he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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