If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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