so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
