I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
