this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
porn star boner night. come get it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
