Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
