She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
