Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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