five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
