"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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