Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
