Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
