You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
