it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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