drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
