i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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