I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
