The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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