My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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