yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
