i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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