I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
